The Right Kind of Shame

A wise man once observed that humans are the only animals that blush. That's pretty profound, really. We can become so overwhelmed with the awareness of foolishness or wrongdoing, that our bodies physically respond by flooding our skin with blood. We can literally feel hot with shame. We humans are odd birds. 

Shame is one of those tricky emotions, in that we experience it for all sorts of reasons. We might cover our faces in shame because of something a quirky relative said; or we might feel the isolating shame that comes with suffering a grievous sin; or we might blush when we spill coffee all down the front of our shirt.  

But for the most part, I think it’s fair to say that shame is taken as a bad thing in our day and age. We hate feeling ashamed, we don’t like blushing in front of others, and so we do everything in our power to rid ourselves of shame, to put it in a garbage bag and throw it in a dumpster and be done with it — which is not bad, as far as it goes. But we do run into problems when we discuss how to deal with our shame. It’s one thing to throw your garbage bag in a trash can; it’s another thing to throw it at your neighbor’s head. 

For instance, if you constantly spill coffee on yourself and you’re constantly humiliated by it, you’ll want to do something about that, and there are at least a few things you can do. You can: 

1.) Try to get a handle on why you can’t hold the cup, or you can study the circumstances under which you are most likely to spill your coffee. 

2.) You can just avoid ever drinking coffee in front of your friends again. 

3.) You can try to make your friends feel ashamed for laughing at you when you spill your coffee by trying to make spilling coffee on yourself the hip and cool thing to do; you can try to make it the new norm. 

Given this semi-farcical scenario, most people would probably opt for option one or option two. I don’t know many people who would enjoy spilling hot (or cold) coffee on themselves on a regular basis. I’d personally say that option one is the best choice for dealing with this particular brand of shame, and I’m only guessing that the majority of people would agree.  

Now, of course, this scenario is fairly innocent. We’re just talking about coffee, after all — not the building blocks of society or anything like that. But what happens when people go for option three, not in regards to spilt coffee, but in regards to things like sloth and gossip?  

This is where it gets hairy, particularly in the church. But it does bring up an interesting point about shame. 

Blush, for Christ’s Sake

Read these words from the apostle Paul carefully: 

"For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother" (2 Thessalonians 3:11-15).

So Paul has just instructed believers to steer clear of laziness. In fact, he goes so far as to command and encourage this in the Lord Jesus Christ. Christians should be known as hard, industrious workers. This is so crucial to the witness of the church that, if someone who professes the name of Jesus doesn’t heed Paul’s instruction here, then other Christians are to distance themselves from said person so that they may be ashamed — and this is a loving act. In other words, there are times when we ought to make Christians blush, for Christ’s sake. 

There is no excuse for Christians to be slothful. God has prepared good works for us to do, and he has given us the Spirit to help us to do them with vigor (Ephesians 2:10, Colossians 1:29). There is no excuse for Christians to gossip. The church already has one Slanderer working against her, and we have no reason to join his ranks (Leviticus 19:16). So when Christians do these things, we should be ashamed of ourselves.

In other words, when Christians aren’t living Christianly, there is a shame that can bring us back from the brink of ruin, because it makes sin feel as abhorrent as it really is. But for this kind of shame to work its full and proper effect, we must know that Christ is the kind of Savior who loves to speak words of pardon and assurance to his people. He alone can help us to live free of shame. So when it comes to blatant sin and visibly un-Christian behavior, we ought to make one another blush, so that we might turn and run to the feet of Christ.  

All Manner of Reversals

But unfortunately, in many cases the church has chosen option three for dealing with our shame. We try to make those who call out sin ashamed for calling out sin, which I have to say, is quite a clever strategy for justifying our sins. Even those outside the church can quote (out of context) the words of Jesus: Judge not lest you be judged. Conveniently, the next part of that passage, which is all about judging with right judgment, is always left off — but I digress.  

This is a sure path to destruction. In this tragic reversal, we’re actually consecrating ourselves unto shame, and the end is misery (Hosea 9:10-11). What this really shows is that we are indeed ashamed — but we’re ashamed of Jesus and his gospel, rather than our sin. So it’s not really a question of if we will feel shame — it’s a question of what we will be ashamed of, and a question of what that shame will drive us to and drive us away from.  

The way to really be rid of shame rightly and forever is, ironically, to press into the shame of the cross — to not be ashamed of the most shameful event in human history (Hebrews 12:2). 

God is not ashamed to be called the God of those who are unashamed of Christ — but for those who choose to live otherwise, well, there’s an eternity of shame waiting (Daniel 12:2). Better to blush now before men than blush before God on the last day.  

So let’s not be afraid of the right kind of shame. It’s not all bad.